Day 5 activity
There are a couple of things that I slowly started to change about the way I tell my story. And while I still have to make a conscious effort, here are some of the approaches I've found helpful. Whenever I feel the urge to prove myself, to make an excuse, or to try to position myself in a certain way, I let it go. I try to stick more to the facts rather than the emotional thoughts. For example, all of the stories that start with "I don't know why this..." I stop and choose a more neutral tone: "I was at 'X' place and 'Y' happened." If I hear myself starting to position blame for something on another person or a circumstance, I try to balance my language so that responsibility is shared. For example, I stopped saying things like "I lost my business because of the 2008 housing crisis." Instead, I say, "The 2008 housing crisis hit everyone hard, and so I decided it was better for me to close my business." This redistributes the responsibility, and I become more of an active agent instead of a victim of circumstance. I also try to be careful with how I use certain words: should, supposed to, have to, must, etc. I try to replace them with less obligating words and more volitional words like; I would like, it would be interesting to, it's important for me to... This helps soften the harsh tone of my story as well as my own inner dialogue. I have also tried to stop using absolutes. Always and never can be not only exhausting terms, but they can also create a sort of stonewalling in interactions. Even if the "always" or "never" aren't applied to the person we are talking to, it can create a sense of psycho-rigidity. In effect, it can cause some people feel like we are judgmental. This lack of flexibility can lead to repeating patterns in a rather involuntary manner. Adding some balance, some kindness and some flexibility to the way I tell my story has had the same effects on me, psychologically, emotionally and socially. This may not have completely resolved everything for me, but it has given space for other more authentic experiences to occur.
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Day 5 activity
