5 Struggles 1. Pressure: I'm really hard on myself. I put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself with pretty much everything I do. gym, work, money, even little things that probably don't matter that much. I can have a really good day and still go to bed thinking about the three things I didn't get done. The fucked up part is that I know this is also one of the reasons I've gotten as far as I have. I'm extremely competitive with myself and I don't really know how to turn that off. But I'm starting to realize there's a difference between wanting to get better and never allowing yourself to feel like you're doing enough. 2. Perception: I care way too much about what other people think of me, and honestly, it's probably held me back more than anything else. I'll make a video, edit it, watch it back and think it's actually pretty good. I'll start writing the caption and then I'll start thinking about who is going to see it. What are people from high school going to think? Is this cringe? Are people going to think I'm trying too hard? What if somebody makes fun of me? I've had stuff sitting on my phone that I actually wanted to post and didn't because I got in my own head about what other people might think. The funny part is I'll see somebody else post something completely ridiculous and think, "Good for him, he doesn't give a fuck." That's what I want to get to. I want to be able to post something because I like it without having this entire imaginary conversation in my head about what everyone else is going to think. Most of these people probably don't care anyway. 3. Addiction I've struggled with addiction in a bunch of different ways. Gambling, drinking, drugs, porn, nicotine, caffeine. Pretty much anything that gives me some kind of immediate dopamine hit, I've found a way to overdo it at some point. And I think the bigger problem is that I don't really know how to do anything halfway. It's never really been "I'll have a drink." It's "fuck it, let's drink." It's never just one bet. It's "let's see what happens tonight." I've had plenty of times where I've told myself I'm going to cut something out or get control of it, and then somehow I'm right back doing the same shit a few days or weeks later. What's frustrating is that I'm actually a pretty disciplined person in other areas of my life. I can diet, train six days a week, work all day, and stick to a routine when I really want to. But then there are these other areas where I'll completely lose my head.