Something came up on our last brotherhood call I wanted to put into words. I was at a party last weekend. Shirtless guys everywhere, sweaty, dark room in the back — the whole scene. And standing there, I had this moment: I don’t fit in here. Not because anything was wrong with it. Just… it wasn’t me. And the harder thing to admit was — this wasn’t a one-off. It’s been a pattern my whole life. Different ideas, different pace, different version of what I actually want. Growing up, I had one picture handed to me — marriage, house, kids, the stable version my parents modeled. Then I came out, and the only version of gay life in front of me was bars and parties. So I assumed that was the community. I didn’t have the language yet for what I actually wanted — my body knew before my mind did. And when you don’t align with the loud, default version, it gets framed as your problem. Not open-minded enough. Not fun enough. Not sex positive enough. So you either perform it, or you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. Here’s what I want to say to anyone else who’s felt that dissonance: your crowd exists. It’s just quieter, and it doesn’t hand itself to you at the door the way the mainstream scene does. You have to go looking for it. That’s part of why this brotherhood exists. Has anyone else felt this — like you’re standing in a room that’s supposed to be “your people” but something doesn’t click? What was that moment for you, and what did you do with it? Drop your story below if you feel like sharing. ☺️

- The Velvet Rage (Overcoming the pain of growing in a straight man's world) - Attached (New science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love) - The ethical slut (A practical guide to polyamory, open relationships and other freedoms in sex and love) - Out of the shadows (Reimagining gay men's lives) If you have more book recommendations, please add them in the comments below. Also Dylan mentioned in our today's call that a bookclub would be awesome, what do you guys think, interested?

Topic: The walls we build to keep ourselves safe can also be the very things that keep us from creating the life we truly want. Who’s joining? 😌

Brotherhood call! Topic idea: How to thrive in a culture of body perfection! Who’s joking, comment below or give me a thumbs up! ☺️

Month 1 / Week 4 • Know Yourself We had a real one on Wednesdays call. We talked about something most of us have lived but rarely say out loud — that we chase chemistry instead of safety. We feel that pull with someone. Everything moves fast. It feels electric. And somewhere underneath it we know something is off — but we don’t listen. Because our brain is already in it. The what ifs. The stories we tell ourselves. The hope that this one might be different. And the other person? They usually showed us exactly who they were from the very beginning. We just didn’t want to see it. We can’t blame them for that. We can only look at why we keep choosing the roller coaster over the calm. Finding the right partner deserves the same care and intention you’d give any important decision in your life. Think of it like hiring a CEO for your own company — you wouldn’t offer the job after one conversation. You’d take your time. Ask the hard questions. Make sure they’re worth it. Yet somehow with love we skip all the steps. Safety isn’t boring. Safety is the foundation everything else is built on. That’s what we talked about today. Every Monday 6PM PDT and Wednesday 11AM PDT Come as you are.