@Shannon Freedom Hi!!! OK here is my observation of this business: What's not working: First — and this is a big strategic one before we even get to copy: you're speaking to families AND small businesses in the same message, and that's a problem. These are two completely different buyers with two completely different emotional triggers. Families are buying on fear and love — "I need to protect my kids, get out of debt, and make sure we're okay." It's emotional, personal, and urgent. Small businesses are buying on growth and strategy — "I need cash flow, tax planning, and a financial structure that scales." It's logical, ROI-driven, and professional. When you try to speak to both at the same time, neither one feels like you're talking directly to them — and they both bounce. It also creates a credibility question for a cold audience: do you specialize in personal finance or business finance? Those feel like two different experts. Pick one as your lead and let the other be a secondary mention or completely separate. Beyond that: - The one-liner is one long run-on sentence trying to say everything and landing on nothing. "Locate areas in their financial portfolio to be enhanced and trigger outcomes of financial independence" I feel like that's too formal. - "Middle income Americans at any age" is essentially everyone. No specificity, no emotional pull. - Every section reads like a financial services brochure rather than one person talking to another. Cold audiences need to feel something before they trust you with their money. - "Financial chaos into financial stability" is actually your best phrase in the entire submission and it's buried inside the offer description. THAT is your one-liner seed. - Pain points aren't written as pain points — they read as a service list. Suggested one-liner direction: "I help middle-income families turn financial chaos into a clear, confident plan — so their money finally works as hard as they do."

@Shannon Freedom Ok so I love the concept of this but this one has me a little confused. The first problem I see is your audience. You're speaking to survivors, caregivers, AND medical professionals all at once. If I were you, I'd pick one. Eventually if you want to partner with professionals who can REFER you to survivors then that's one thing, but the main point is that you're speaking to survivors. The second problem is positioning. Reading through this, I'm getting a lot of mindset and belief work, which is powerful — but I'm missing the "why you" factor. What is the specific thing that makes a brain injury survivor choose YOU over a therapist, a life coach, or a support group? What's your unique entry point into their world that no one else has? Is it because you have a personal connection to brain injury? Is it the RTT method specifically? Is it the combination of therapy AND coaching that no one else is offering in this space? Whatever that thing is — that needs to be the very first thing people read. I think once you figure these pieces out, let's dial in the rest. I have a 60 minute Messaging Clarity Intensive that I provide if you're interested in diving further. Just let me know.

I always recommend using your phone for social! Super easy and its more personal in my opinion. There are telepromter apps you can download to read off of directly on screen :)

@Krystal Vickers Hi Krystal! We missed you today! Here were my notes for you: What's not working: - "Retirement gap" is insider language — the cold audience doesn't immediately feel the pain of this phrase. What does the gap FEEL like? Start there. - "Affiliate marketing program" is the HOW, not the transformation. Cold audiences don't buy HOWs — they buy outcomes. - "Moms who returned back to work" is too broad. What age? What stage of life? Working moms are everywhere, but which specific mom is she talking to? - No transformation language. What does life look like after you help them? Freedom? Security? What emotion comes with closing that gap? - The one-liner is missing entirely HOMEWORK 1. Write 3 versions of your one-liner. Each should include: WHO you help (specific), WHAT problem (emotional), and WHAT outcome (specific result). Example starter: "I help working moms in their 40s stop leaving money on the table and build income streams that protect their retirement — without quitting their 9-to-5." 2. Replace 'retirement gap' with the feeling/fear behind it. Ask yourself: what does your client stay up at night worrying about? Write that down in her words. 3. Stop leading with 'affiliate marketing.' Lead with the outcome. You can introduce the method once they're already nodding their head yes.

@Krystal Vickers You're so welcome!

@Nina Madden Love this too but again, would start out by noting this is specific towards NLP or your specific niche. Just because you could potentially lose a cold traffic lead just by not pointing this out in the first few seconds.

@Inés Kallab Hi Ines! I love your video thank you for sharing. My one note is I'm not feeling a sense of confidence when you're speaking to me. I love how soothing your voice is, but I've worked with many coaches and mentors in your industry that I know the way you touch someone right in the feelers through passion and confidence in what you teach is the deciding factor for someone who might be new to this practice. In this video you're talking very soft and calmly and while I love that, I would try maybe sitting up and exuding a bit more confidence and passion in your voice. I can see it in there - but I want to feel it! I hope that makes sense! Let me know if you want me to elaborate.