I’ve been off of this channel for a while. I’m going through what feels like the most painful experience of my life right now, and I’m looking for some spiritual perspective and guidance. I wake up every morning thinking about the betrayal and heartbreak, and my first thought is often, “I just want to wake up from this nightmare.” I haven’t been able to work properly, and this has been affecting me very significantly emotionally and mentally. My life feels completely shattered. My best friend Matt and I have been close for 17 years. I trusted him with my life. He had been there for me through previous betrayals and had actually helped me heal from them, so I never imagined that he could be the person who would hurt me this way. I was in a relationship with Vanessa for about five years. It was a very deep relationship, but also very unstable and painful at times. There was a strong push-pull dynamic. She told me many times that she loved me, that I was the only one, that she wanted to marry me and have children with me, and that she couldn’t stay away from me. We had many genuinely happy moments together. I have pictures of us laughing and being happy together that are very difficult for me to look at now. I was also there for Vanessa through some of the lowest periods of her life. I supported her when she was in the hospital for her mental health and when she was struggling deeply. I believed in her and saw potential in her even when she was at her lowest. Eventually she ended the relationship and told me it was unhealthy for her and that she didn’t want to get back together. I struggled enormously with letting go because I still loved her and had hoped we could eventually work things out. I’ve been trying to work on myself, especially around attachment, emotional reactions, meditation, surrender, and trusting God/the universe rather than trying to control outcomes. After our breakup, Matt needed a place to stay because of his work situation. He asked if it would be okay for him to stay with Vanessa for a maximum of three months. I said yes because I trusted him completely. I was acting as a friend who knew his buddy needed somewhere to stay. Her place was much closer to his work than mine, so it made practical sense. I also secretly hoped that having my best friend there might somehow help Vanessa and me find our way back to each other.

if ur not havin any fun rn or cant i just wanna say. u should start lucid dreaming. i cant believe people dont talk bout this enough but its literally real life ON DRUGS im talkin 8k resolution 240 fps every texture is enhanced all the feelings are enhanced triple x and u can do watever the fuck u want the most LUSTFUL scenarios wit the most beautiful women u could imagine the music coming from every single direction and music u never heard of thats even better than irl and this is only the surface u can literally create universes and galaxies and fantasy lands the most magical places possible and play games like getting chased by monsters and shi and trynna hide or watever game ur mind conjures up its literally everything. BUT the more tension ur actual physical body has the less the rewards. the harder it is to get into a lucid dream the less u feel and also harder to acc stay in tha lucid dream. so in irl u have to become aware of ur body and feel all the tension even when ur walking u need to be aware cuz i can tell by how people walk every1 is afraid to look around and observe things they control their their whole body cuz of fear of people lookin at them and makin eye contact or they feel embarrassed if they walk weird or walk slower, basically they dont let their body lose control which u literally have to so its a mental and body thing. u gotta kinda have the mindset that its u vs the world cuz if u dont ur always gon subconciosly do things to please people and ur body knows it and obv the other problem is people are walking wit their minds thinkin of the destination or some other thoughts instead of being in the body but whens the last time u saw some stop and stand in the middle of a pathway ur walkin on. barely any1 does that cuz theyre afraid to stop cuz they dont wanna be the odd fella on the sidewalk. ur supposed to use every muscle in ur body while walking but people use like half and walk around all tensed tf up like a brick wall. ur supposed to to do wat ur body wants rather than ur mind. so bounce when u wanna bounce do any type of muscle stance that feels right and the more awareness u build the easier it becomes u start walking and feeling like a god and its way easier to not feel fear or bad feelings cuz u strenghtened all those facia lines in the right alligment as opposed to strenghtning them in the wrong alligment which is wat happens to gym niggas thats why they walk like they have a pole up their ass. i could say more but ill just say this body awareness will lead to lucid dreaming, u guys already prolly have enough mind awareness but even this essay my body doesnt wanna type it its literally straining my thinkin muscles the whole facia line but im doin it cuz my mind has too much energy rn and it was bored and i wanted to help sum niggas out hopefully.

Just want to share my gratitude that the white board and the bee are back!!

This song entered my world today and it reminded me of a remarkable win that we’ve recently experienced. Letting go of a narrative that was no longer serving me 🙏 The story (the fear) was that a long time friend wants to hurt me and doesn’t really love me because of actions they chose. We carried this for months, but finally we reached a fork…and literally just oriented myself towards what we really believe in, love, kindness and compassion, and we let the old story go 🌬️🍃 May this song reach those that will be encouraged by it 🎶💫 https://on.soundcloud.com/NOzcvLmy8SZaSDP9Q6 Loosen by Aly Halpert LYRICS: Loosen, loosen, baby You don't have to carry The weight of the world in your muscles and bones Let go, let go, let go Holy breath, and holy name Will you ease, will you ease this pain Holy breath, and holy name Will you ease, will you ease this pain Holy breath (Loosen, loosen, baby) And holy name (You don't have to carry) Will you ease (The weight of the world in your muscles and bones) Will you ease this pain (Let go, let go, let go)

living is more illogical than logical. by born i was born in Muslim family but I'm not a believer. I can write down hundreds reason not to believe in, but will point out a simple one. This post isn't about religion but I want to understand myself, why do i feel so much ? when i see some hungry cats, or stray dogs runs towards me for some food I can't help but be sad. you know why ? because i'm human being and i have emotion. in Islam it said, God is kindest, he loves his creation - just like any God from every other religion. If he's the kindest and if he really exists then why a hungry cat makes me sad and I question my own existence because I can't help them, and God is dead ? nothing makes sense because all of these are non0sense.