A Question About Forgiveness

11d (edited) • Questions

I understand that we are to forgive, as we have been forgiven by Christ. However, I remember hearing June Hunt say that in abusive relationships - you can forgive; but still not have the abusive person in your life.

I currently have a situation with someone in my church, that I feel like has been mentally abusive, in a demanding control over my life way. So my question is, how do you have boundaries & forgiveness, when it's someone in the body?

To be a bit more specific, I am involved with the local political world. This person was going to break a vow they took to hold their first political office for 4 years, just a few months after being elected; in order to run for a much higher office. I told them that would not be the way to go. That the Bible says not to break our vows. This person got very angry with me, because they claimed God told them to do it. My Pastor told me I could not tell them what God did or did not say to do; & that I needed to mend the relationship.

So I took her out to eat, & said we would probably never agree on the situation; but that we were still sisters in Christ, & sisters disagree. She was happy to hear that; but I think what she "heard" was that I was admitting I was wrong, & would never speak about that political topic ever again.

Because about 6 months later, I was talking to someone else about how some Conservative people have been accusing other Conservatives of being "traitors" or "not Christian" & shunning them; simply for voting differently than they did. I brought up that the shunning had started months ago, when I was kicked out of a certain political group for disagreeing about whether to support the person from my church running for a different office. The person from my church was not in the conversation; but someone there went & told them that I was talking "about them" - which I wasn't. I was talking about the group that kicked me out for thinking differently than the group. It just happened to be due to the issue we had disagreed about earlier. It could have been about any political topic - cuz the point was about people shutting others out for no justifiable reason.

The person from my church came into the conversation; & started ranting about how they thought I was a friend, & was over this, & how could I accuse them without them being there to defend themselves. I said no one was accusing her of anything. That I was talking about the group that kicked me out, not about her. She just kept ranting; & then a week later, I noticed she had kicked me out of our church's political action group. To be clear, none of these things had happened in the church group at all. No one in church was aware of any of this; except the Pastor & his wife.

I went to the Pastor, & asked if my being kicked out was the church's decision or hers. He said he did not know anything about it; but then said I needed to apologize for using her name during my discussion, & then maybe she would add me back in. I was in shock; cuz I did not see why I had to apologize for her taking something out of context, & throwing a fit. I told him that was not gonna happen, cuz I'm not sorry for speaking my mind. That anyone there would know who I was talking about, even without a name; cuz only 1 person had left office like that; so it would have made no difference.

So then I dropped it all. I'm still not in the church group anymore. I do not speak to her at church, unless someone asks me to get info from her. I do not wish to have someone in my life who acts like that. Where you can't speak, without them acting like a child, & demanding that you can only say what they allow you to. Of course every sermon I hear about "you need to forgive" pokes that guilt button for me; so that is why I am asking advice on here. Is it OK to forgive that she behaved that way; but still not want that person to be in my life, thus allowing her to behave that way again?

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A Question About Forgiveness