10h • General discussion
Day 9- More Communication Help!
So often when couples come to me, they are having a lot of conflict. When we break it down though, they aren't arguing about the same things. The problem is never the problem. The problem is deeper than the problem and most of the time, that deeper problem comes down to what things mean. So when you're arguing about money, it's not actually about money. It's about freedom, power, respect, or safety. When you're arguing about how they didn't send a text, it's not about the text. It's about consideration and respect. I've developed a list of words that couples rarely break down and talk about before they are married. What do these words mean to you? What do they look like or sound like? What about in different circumstances? Does the meaning change depending on the situation? Today's challenge is going to take you a few days or maybe even a couple of weeks to get through but I want you to go through these words and define them together with your partner. This tool is usually given to clients in their second session with me and I'll tell you this- when couples are still arguing in session 10, I will ask them if they did this exercise and 10/10 times they say no. If they HAVE done this exercise and done it thoroughly, the arguing stops or at the very least, vastly decreases!
Don't try to convince them why they're wrong and you're right. Don't try to create an argument out of it. That's ego remember! No, instead, I just want you to listen to understand them. Listen to really see how their mind works and accept it as it is. If you have wildly different viewpoints, you may have just figured out the source of all your arguments but instead of bickering about it, I want you to see if you can mesh the two ideas together to create something new that works for both of you and your family. Also, don't forget that I have only TWO open spots for couples coaching and two open spots for individual coaching as well. Send me an email at [email protected] for more info on those. These are the types of tools you'll get in every single session when you work with me!
Happy defining!
- money (does it mean respect, power, safety, influence or the ability to dream for you?)
- respect
- desire (not only sexually but also a desire for life, goals, wants, needs, etc.)
- love
- care (for each other, for items, for situations)
- cheating/infidelity
- holidays (go through each one you celebrate and even the ones that seem minor but are still acknowledged)
- time
- support
- happiness/joy
- goals
- safety/security (for yourself, for your kids, for the house, in circumstances as a woman/mom or as a man/dad, financially, emotionally)
- self-care
- mental health
- quality time- what does it look like? How much is needed to really be considered quality?
- sex and intimacy- frequency, expression, emotional connection, what counts as intimacy and how often you'd like intimacy vs just sex
- boundaries- with in-laws, friends of the opposite sex, social media, time alone, etc. Do you do well with boundaries as individuals? As a couple? Is this an area you'd like more help on?
- friendships- how much time do you need with friends weekly/monthly/yearly? What kind of friendships are appropriate? Are you getting your social needs met?
- Success- what does it mean to you financially, individually, as a family, etc
- forgiveness- what does it take to truly forgive? Does it take a while for you to forgive?
- honesty vs. transparency- what counts as a lie? Would you rather have honesty (getting a truthful answer after asking the question) or transparency (knowing all information without having to ask)
- time management- how should weekends, evening, vacations, holidays be spent and how should your day be broken down for you to be successful? Are you good with time management or do you need more work in this area?
- traditions- what's worth preserving? What family rituals or holidays are sacred and why?
- roles- now that you're parents, have your roles changed? who does what around the house, with kids, financially, emotionally?
- conflict- what constitutes a healthy argument? what's considered "too much" or "not enough" resolution/repair?
- fun- what does it look like and should it be scheduled or spontaneous? Do you need more in your life?
- romance- is it a grand gesture, daily connection, physical touch, or words of affirmation, a gift or something else?
0
0 comments
Day 9- More Communication Help!
powered by
skool.com/married-connected-4920
Certified marriage coach teaching you to have connection, communication, friendship, passion, trust and conflict resolution skills in your marriage.
Suggested communities
Powered by