3d • Know Yourself
Finding Your Crowd
Something came up on our last brotherhood call I wanted to put into words.
I was at a party last weekend. Shirtless guys everywhere, sweaty, dark room in the back — the whole scene. And standing there, I had this moment: I don’t fit in here.
Not because anything was wrong with it. Just… it wasn’t me. And the harder thing to admit was — this wasn’t a one-off. It’s been a pattern my whole life. Different ideas, different pace, different version of what I actually want.
Growing up, I had one picture handed to me — marriage, house, kids, the stable version my parents modeled. Then I came out, and the only version of gay life in front of me was bars and parties. So I assumed that was the community. I didn’t have the language yet for what I actually wanted — my body knew before my mind did.
And when you don’t align with the loud, default version, it gets framed as your problem. Not open-minded enough. Not fun enough. Not sex positive enough. So you either perform it, or you feel like you don’t belong anywhere.
Here’s what I want to say to anyone else who’s felt that dissonance: your crowd exists. It’s just quieter, and it doesn’t hand itself to you at the door the way the mainstream scene does. You have to go looking for it.
That’s part of why this brotherhood exists.
Has anyone else felt this — like you’re standing in a room that’s supposed to be “your people” but something doesn’t click? What was that moment for you, and what did you do with it? Drop your story below if you feel like sharing. ☺️
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Finding Your Crowd
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