I have never posted in here, and I can’t say I did this journey completely because that would be me not being honest. I will say I’ve read every text sent out and I’ve read each testimony on here. However I feel like I’m really struggling right now. I wish I could put into words how I feel. I feel that the devil has really been fighting me, and I want to be a better Christian but I don’t know how. I feel my relationship has struggled a lot to the point of almost losing the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with due to me being selfish and negative at times. I strive to be a good mom but at times I fall short, I get aggravated and over stimulated. I want to be a better step mom to my step kids. Someone who they love to be around, someone who they look up to. I find myself questioning why others have it so easy, why they never struggle financially or emotionally. I’ve really want God to fix me. I want him to change me into someone I can be proud of. I want him to help me want to stop being in control all the time and to just let him write my story. I want to be the type of person people want to be around and that they feel being around me is a light. I just really want God to change the person I have been the last few years, because I am not happy with this person. I don’t want to be her anymore. Please pray for me

1. Where I was on Day 1 On Day 1, I was carrying a lot. I was carrying stress from work, uncertainty in my relationship, frustration with myself, and the feeling that I was trying to fix everything at once. I was asking God to show up—to show me that He was there, to help me with my relationship, my work, my family, and most importantly, to help me become a better man. I think I was looking for God to change the things around me, when really, I needed Him to start changing me. 2. What God did The biggest God moment for me was realizing that He had already been showing up. I was so focused on asking, “When is God finally going to show up in my life?” that I wasn’t recognizing the ways He already had. He was there in Amanda. He was there in my family. He was there in the people around me, even in the residents at work who care about me and pray for me. He was there during that time camping with my family when I finally slowed down enough to think. What changed was my perspective. I started letting go of the need to control everything, to have all the answers, and to constantly look for what’s wrong. I started learning to give grace—to Amanda, to my staff, and to myself. 3. Where I am now I’m not saying everything is perfect, because it isn’t. But I’m different. I’m more aware. I’m more grateful. I’m learning to slow down and recognize what God has already placed in front of me instead of constantly waiting for something else to happen. My next step is to keep walking forward with faith instead of fear. To be more intentional with Amanda, more patient with my staff, more present with my family, and more forgiving of myself I don’t need to have the whole path figured out anymore. I just need to trust God enough to take the next step.

This is where we celebrate. Not perfection. Progress. Finished your first week? Post it. Kept the fast? Post it. Said no to something that used to own you? Post it. Made the call you'd been avoiding for months? Post it. Finished all 30 days? Definitely post it. Use this format: 📍 My win: [what happened] 📍 Why it matters: [what it meant to you] No win is too small. Every win here is proof that God is moving, and it reminds the person who's struggling today that they can do it too. Cheer each other on. You know what it took.

Guys! I’m still here and doing these 30 days alongside of you. I have been the worst about posting the last several days so asking for grace and mercy! Jesus is so funny, isn’t He?! Lately, the theme associated with the verses in the daily Bible app has been about anxiety. Interestingly enough, in the video from today, Gabe talked about what it would look and feel like to give one thought or burden to the Lord that is making us anxious. The verse in the Bible app was 2 Corinthians 10:5, which tells us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. If that isn’t a God Tap, telling me to hand over to Him some of the thoughts my mind has been struggling with I don’t know what is! He is working and so alive in every single detail. And I’m so grateful for his nature, and to also experience His character through all of you. ☺️

Geez, already?! Almost done! And don’t get me wrong, I don’t want it to be over! I haven’t checked in for a few days. I took some time off with my family and went camping. I needed that time away, surrounded by nature, to reset, clear my mind, and reflect on a lot of things. One thing that kept coming to mind was this question: When is God really going to show up in my life? When is He going to show up in my relationship? At work? In the areas of my life where I’ve been waiting for answers? But the more I sat there and thought about it, the more I realized something. God has been showing up this entire time. I just haven’t been paying attention. I’ve been so focused on myself, my struggles, my wants, and what I feel is missing that I’ve overlooked the blessings He’s already placed right in front of me. For example, He placed a woman in my life. A woman who has made mistakes, just like I have. We’ve both made mistakes in our relationship. Neither of us is perfect, but maybe I’ve been so busy asking God to fix things that I haven’t stopped to appreciate the person He’s already given me. And then there’s work. God has blessed me with residents I get to spend time with every single day. There’s one resident in particular who prays for me every day. She genuinely cares about me, loves talking to me, and always asks how my day is going. I’ve opened up to her about things in my life that only a handful of people know. And here I am, asking God when He’s going to show up, when He’s been showing up through the people He’s placed in my life all along. Maybe God hasn’t been silent. Maybe I’ve just been too distracted by everything I thought I needed to notice everything He’s already given me. This camping trip reminded me that sometimes we need to disconnect from the noise of everyday life to recognize what’s been right in front of us. I’ve spent so much time waiting for God to show up that I almost missed the fact that He never left. ❤️🙏