Post call integration · Elemental Brotherhood

Post call integration

Last night I felt very uncomfortable with what I had shared. I’ve noticed lately that I am having a very difficult time articulating how I am feeling and just speaking in general.

When I got off the call I knew that I needed to confront my negative feelings and resentments towards my partner's children and took Sean’s advice and let all the ugly come out. I wrote out 4 pages then proceeded to burn them all. I felt guilt come up and that I shouldn’t be thinking these things but I told myself all was allowed. I reminded myself that before this relationship, I was single with no responsibilities, living for myself and had a lot more spare time and that it has only been a year in this new role as a step-father and it has not been the easiest transition for everyone involved. I have also been off work for 7 months now, and my whole world feels like it has revolved around taking care of the kids and the home, a very huge contrast to my life before being laid off.

I realized my old identity is dying and I must let it go. A part of me was not accepting my new role and feeling really resentful over it for losing my independence and freedom. I felt that if I take on this role fully that I will be giving up my goals, especially when it comes to creating a new career. But that’s just a story. I don’t want to have any part of me not in this fully anymore. I love my family and I choose them. I want to grow with them and be their grounded presence.

What this looks like is more radical honesty and conversations with my partner. Asking for some alone time so I can work on my goals and reconnect with myself throughout the week. I haven’t really had any space for myself over the past few months and I’m starting to really feel it. We spoke about this this morning and it was well received. I’m having a me day on Sunday and will continue doing this.

I also started waking up earlier this week before everyone else to have some space to exercise and practice breathwork. I noticed a significant improvement in my mood and in my energy, so that’s definitely something I want to maintain.

Interestingly...I got a phone call for a job interview that I had been waiting to hear from as I was journaling today! It looks like it could be a good fit for me and for family life. Send some good luck vibes my way :)

Just wanted to get this out of my mind and hold myself accountable by putting it up here.

Much love!

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Post call integration