5d • General discussion
Painfully Comforting
Just wanted to share a really rough couple of weeks… My mom being hospitalized two weeks ago, my book launching on Thursday, my mom passing yesterday and my birthday today.
I was built with strength, provided by God and cured by my mom. So I can handle pressure. Especially under stress.
I wrote the tribute below from the hospital room while watching her…
💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝
The clock ticked slower there.
In that wing of a medical center in São Paulo, time stopped being in a hurry. You heard every tick. You felt the space between them.
And you would have given anything to fill that gap with something other than what was coming.
My mom (Mamis to us) spent her last fourteen days in that hospital. Tough as nails to the very end.
Eighty years old, on the 21st floor, fighting until her last breath.
Giving out a little more each morning, her breathing heavier and heavier, her strength fading like a tide going out and not coming back.
That fight came from somewhere deeper. She had a rough life. Unfortunately, her last weeks followed suit.
On the flip side, you don't raise two kids who turn out better than okay without being tough as nails yourself.
On that wing, nobody talked about it out loud, but everybody knew.
No patient walks out of that floor alive. It's not a hospital ward. It's a waiting room for the inevitable.
A death sentence with soft sheets and the kindest nurses and doctors you will ever meet in your life.
They are not there to perform miracles. They are there to provide abundant love to the patients and their families.
I know death.
I've been close to it four times myself.
But here's the thing: facing your own death and watching someone you love face theirs are not the same thing. Not even close.
In those four instances, I was the main actor. I had my own will to throw at it. My own body to fight with. There was something to do.
With my mom, I was the spectator. And that's a completely different weight.
You can't fight it. You can't fix it. You can't trade places, nor can you buy more time or hope.
Your hands are tied behind your back and all you can do is watch.
The only thing left in your control is to offer comfort and unconditional love.
That was the whole job, but it never felt enough.
Because death isn't the problem. Death is quiet. Death is rest.
The transition is the problem. The slow travel of it. The road to the end. That's where the anguish lives.
It was me, my wife Ana, and my sister Carol. We alternated shifts so Mamis was never alone.
Nobody prepares you for the logistics of love. One of us arriving on empty; the other leaving on empty.
Carol carrying the same grief I carry, from the same childhood, the same mom.
And Ana? Somewhere in those fourteen days, Ana stopped being the daughter-in-law and became the "adopted daughter" my mom chose.
She loved my mother like her own. And my mother? Even at the end, even with everything else being taken from her, she had enough heart left to take Ana in fully.
Here's what breaks you open in a place like that.
My mom, at least, got a merciful version.
She lived into her 80s. She raised two kids who turned out better than okay.
She got to leave Earth knowing that the people she loved most were going to be alright.
That's not nothing.
That's a life that landed where it was supposed to.
But then you look down the hall... And you see the young ones.
A mother who won't see her child start school. A father whose wife is about to become a single parent overnight. Dreams stopped mid-sentence.
Promises that will never be kept. People with decades ahead that were supposed to be theirs, and suddenly… aren't.
You don't know them. You've never spoken to most of them. But grief in a place like that doesn't stay in one room. It seeps through the walls.
You feel it in the way a family goes silent in the corridor. In the shoulders that drop when a door closes.
The whole floor is heavy with heartbreak nobody is saying out loud.
And it softens your heart, even for strangers. Especially for strangers.
I'm writing this because sitting in that room while watching my mom made something painfully clear. And I don't want you to learn it the hard way.
We spend our lives rushing…
To the next sale. To the next follower. To the next milestone. We tell ourselves we'll slow down later...
We'll be present later. We'll call Mom, visit Dad, and sit with the people we love later. Once things calm down.
But here's what that room taught me:
When you get to your last days, the clock slows down whether you're ready or not.
And in that slowness, none of the things you rushed toward will be in the room with you.
No sale. No follower. No milestone. Just the faces of the people you loved, if any. And how much of that love you actually lived.
Tomorrow is my birthday. This isn't the gift I wanted.
However, knowing that Mamis is now pain-free and in peace warms my heart and soul.
Obrigado, Mãe! Your mission was finally accomplished. Every second was worth it.
With unconditional love, "Lelo"
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Painfully Comforting
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