I have never posted in here, and I can’t say I did this journey completely because that would be me not being honest. I will say I’ve read every text sent out and I’ve read each testimony on here. However I feel like I’m really struggling right now. I wish I could put into words how I feel. I feel that the devil has really been fighting me, and I want to be a better Christian but I don’t know how. I feel my relationship has struggled a lot to the point of almost losing the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with due to me being selfish and negative at times. I strive to be a good mom but at times I fall short, I get aggravated and over stimulated. I want to be a better step mom to my step kids. Someone who they love to be around, someone who they look up to. I find myself questioning why others have it so easy, why they never struggle financially or emotionally. I’ve really want God to fix me. I want him to change me into someone I can be proud of. I want him to help me want to stop being in control all the time and to just let him write my story. I want to be the type of person people want to be around and that they feel being around me is a light. I just really want God to change the person I have been the last few years, because I am not happy with this person. I don’t want to be her anymore. Please pray for me

1. Where I was on Day 1 On Day 1, I was carrying a lot. I was carrying stress from work, uncertainty in my relationship, frustration with myself, and the feeling that I was trying to fix everything at once. I was asking God to show up—to show me that He was there, to help me with my relationship, my work, my family, and most importantly, to help me become a better man. I think I was looking for God to change the things around me, when really, I needed Him to start changing me. 2. What God did The biggest God moment for me was realizing that He had already been showing up. I was so focused on asking, “When is God finally going to show up in my life?” that I wasn’t recognizing the ways He already had. He was there in Amanda. He was there in my family. He was there in the people around me, even in the residents at work who care about me and pray for me. He was there during that time camping with my family when I finally slowed down enough to think. What changed was my perspective. I started letting go of the need to control everything, to have all the answers, and to constantly look for what’s wrong. I started learning to give grace—to Amanda, to my staff, and to myself. 3. Where I am now I’m not saying everything is perfect, because it isn’t. But I’m different. I’m more aware. I’m more grateful. I’m learning to slow down and recognize what God has already placed in front of me instead of constantly waiting for something else to happen. My next step is to keep walking forward with faith instead of fear. To be more intentional with Amanda, more patient with my staff, more present with my family, and more forgiving of myself I don’t need to have the whole path figured out anymore. I just need to trust God enough to take the next step.